lorna davies
A version of this article
was originally
published in The Practising Midwife,
June 2001. Reprinted with permission.
"We cannot control who brings us into this world.
We cannot
influence the style in which they
raise us. We cannot force the culture to
instantly
become hospitable.
But the good news is that,
even after injury, even
in
a feral state, even,
for that matter, in an as yet
captured state,
we can
have our lives back."
Clarissa
Pinkola Estés,
Women Who Run With the Wolves 1992
When I initially applied for a place on the Birthing from Within Workshop in Cork, in May 2000, I was attracted to the programme because of the inclusion of birth art, and the promise of an alternative approach to parent education. What I was not prepared for, was the journey that I was about to commence which was to increase my awareness of the spiritual dimensions of birth beyond my wildest expectations. Working with Pam England is one of the most powerful and gripping experiences I've ever had. It has inspired me to face my truth, to say my truth, and to live my truth.
In the afternoon, we were privileged to be invited to observe an authentic ‘Birthing from Within’ session. Some of the Cork midwives attending the workshop had invited their clients along to participate in this part of the programme. This was quite remarkable. Again, Pam seemed to break every rule in the book about creating group dynamics by icebreaking, getting the group involved etc. and launched straight into a very direct ‘What are your main worries about the birth' type question. The group were very responsive and open, and having established that there were fears about the pain of labour, she proceeded to introduce them to the pain coping practices including the holding of ice, with apparently very positive results.
The client group and the health professionals
were then acquainted with
the birth art component
of her workshops. The
client group were asked to
close their eyes and use the breathing awareness
technique they had been using, whilst Pam used
a powerful visualization exercise
about the opening
of the body that was required before a woman
could yield to
the act of birthing her baby.
At the end of the exercise the group were invited
to use a
variety of media to create their own
image of this opening.
The results were amazing
and then Pam gently questioned them to gain
insight into their interpretations. She
stresses
that she is not an art therapist and her
questioning technique seems to avoid the need for the
artists to go too
deeply into their images to seek
meaning.
On Sunday morning we carried on with the pain coping practices and then we were given the opportunity to create our own birth art. She firstly got us to create the same image using a variety of media to establish what felt the most valuable to us. I felt almost certainly that a 'fat' paintbrush and watercolours allowed me the freedom to ‘go with the flow’. Most other people agreed and Pam explained that anything that needed fine movements such as a thin paintbrush or marker pens encouraged the left hand side of the brain to dominate, whereas the clumsy handling of the fat paint brush encouraged right brain activity.
She emphasized
that
birth was about letting go
of our intellect and falling back on our primitive
responses and referred to it as letting our
left brain ‘dissolve’.
She then got us into four groups, one group had to create a ‘womb with a view’, the second ‘the mystery of birth’, the third ‘Caesarian Section’ and my group the fourth ‘ Caesarean Birth’. I sat for some time and looked at my blank paper. Pam came over and asked if there was a problem, I explained that I did not feel comfortable with the term Caesarian Birth and was finding it difficult to summons up a positive image. She told me to let go of my objective response and just do whatever came to mind. I attempted to empty my head and began to produce a piece of work. After a brief discussion using a couple of the paintings she broke us into smaller groups to work on each other using her questioning technique.
I was blown away by my insights when I was questioned. I recognised that there was no mother present in my painting. I had had a Caesarean Section, thirteen years ago, under general anaesthetic and had felt removed from the experience. The baby depicted was placed in the centre of the sheet of paper, but was impassive and rigid. My daughter had been very compromised at delivery and had been taken immediately to NICU. There were two projections below the baby, which had been the start of something else which I had started to paint, but had abandoned. These projections could easily have been taken for two arms reaching out for the baby. It dawned on me that I had never really considered myself as having given birth to Helen. This painting to me represented this insight.
My aversion to the term Caesarian Birth was much more personal than I had ever really understood. This realisation was extremely profound and was potent demonstration of the power of this form of approach. I was asked how I could use this newly found insight, and of course it has been part of my personal baggage, which I now feel free to deal with.
The afternoon continued with a further parent's session. We were fortunate enough to experience the ‘Unfolding’. Half of the group volunteered to be babies and half, mothers. The babies were placed in fetal positions on the floor and a sheet was placed over them. The mothers had then to take on the role of uterus and cushion and protect their baby whilst Pam read out a visualization about life in the uterus. At the point where labour began, the mothers had to apply pressure and squeeze the baby.
At the moment of birth the mothers lifted the sheet
off their 'baby' and
took them into her arms and
responded to them as their mother. Far from appearing
to feel foolish, people allowed themselves to be
commuted to mother and neonate. I
was aware
as the mother of how warm my baby felt.
I was aware
of her movements and her breathing. At the moment of
birth I placed her head against my chest, and she
commented afterwards how soothing it had been to
hear my heart beat and be rocked. At this
point Pam began to go round and pretend to suction
some babies or to wipe them
down with a towel.
This caused a
disturbance and made the group laugh.
Afterwards
we discussed how it had felt for us
as mother’s and babies. It was a wonderful way of
exploring the transition for both the mother
and
the baby, and a salutary reminder of the effect
of intervention, however
slight or well intended.
After this we entered into the final phase of the journey. We entered a smaller room which had been lovingly prepared. The blinds were drawn and there were candles around the room. There was large red circle in the middle of the floor where the parents were asked to sit. In the centre of the circle was a Japanese rock and twig sculpture and a number of scrolls. Ribbons were cascading from the ceiling into the centre of the circle. The whole scene shouted ‘ Ceremony’ and this was exactly what Pam was about to create.
She explained to the group that in western industrialized society, we have lost a sense of birth as a rite of passage and that she was going to create a ceremony for that purpose. She additionally provided bowls of ice cold water and she began by getting us to emerge our whole hands into the bowls to practice the strategies we had been practicing all weekend. After several ‘contractions’ she made us get up onto our knees and talked about the ‘Birth Warrior’ and used wonderful imagery to describe the 300,000 women who give birth every day lined up as an army on a hill like the warriors in BraveHeart.
She
introduced a Sioux Battle cry ‘Hoka Hai’ which means
“this is a good day
to die”. She explained that they did
not mean die in a literal sense but to let
the intellect
die temporarily and rely on the primordial. We then gave the battle cry and she made us
immerse both hands in the
freezing cold water
and encouraged us to use whatever strategy we wanted
to deal with the pain. She informed us
subsequently that we had spent two minutes with our hands
immersed
as we breathed, groaned, moaned, chanted and gyrated
our pain to a
tolerable level. Immediately afterwards
we were asked to put crayon to paper and create
an image of something new we
had learned from that
experience on the paper which was rolled into
scrolls in
front of the group. She began to
play Native
American type music with a very strong beat and
rhythm and as
we drew she went round and draw
warrior marks on our faces.
To use a stateside
expression, it was awesome!!
She made me want to experience labour again,
so powerful were he metaphors. She did not expound
the notion that ‘natural
birth’ was the gold standard.
She endorsed the use of epidural and drugs in
labour from the perspective of compassion.
She did however, inform the parents about
the advantages and
disadvantages of drugs in labour.
What
she does is quite simply make women
believe
that they can do it, but without setting them up
to fail. If, for
whatever reason, they do not manage
then they may have to accept ‘the next best thing’, in
the interests of
everyone. Her intention
is to
promote ‘birthing in awareness’ so that whatever
happens, they
understand why and that they
played a full part in the process.
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