advice from midwives to pregnant women
generated at the Sex, Birth, Rock 'n' Roll Workshop in July 2003 ~ and republished here with kind permission of all who took part.
- being pregnant is an extraordinary gift and a time when you can grab your power ~ just do it!
- create a space for yourself to think about being pregnant and giving birth
- enjoy your pregnancy!
- midwives and doctors aren't experts ~ they can easily get it wrong ~ don't take any expert at face value
- join a group of pregnant women (either antenatal / parentcraft groups or something else locally) so you have a community of friends who can share your experiences
- find a wise and loving midwife who you like and trust ~ if you don't like the first midwife you have, find (or ask for) another one
- know your rights
- know and trust and love yourself
- your body can cope
- you own this experience
- women have had babies for millenia and we are really good at it ~ all of us are the product of successfully birthing women
- consider a home birth ~ it is as safe (if not safer) than being in hospital, even for your first baby
- trust your instincts ~ know that you have an inner instinctive primal brain ~ your body knows how to do this ~ you don't have to learn it, it will happen
- choose your birth companions carefully
- nobody can tell you what to do ~ know that you can always say no or say you need more time to think about something
- relax ~ and let your head get out of the way
- find a good advocate (n.b. this may not be your life partner!) ~ consider having another birth partner with you as well (or instead if this feels right for you)
- be assertive
- never say never
- let your body do its stuff ~ but if it doesn't work out, don't block yourself
- carefully consider the consequences of blood tests or screening tests offered to you ~ they can cause huge amounts of anxiety ~ what would you do with the results?
- don't buy mother and baby magazines ~ they are a waste of money and are patronising ~ they will tell you very little about the range of options as they are all based around a medical model of birth
- read "birth stories" by carolyn noble instead of mother and baby magazines
- don't watch tv, especially holby city and the discovery channel! ~ or, at least, don't take any notice of it if you do, they are incredibly inaccurate and biased
- if you are planning to have your baby in hospital, stay at home in labour as long as possible
- love your boobs, belly, bits and bodily juices!
- if you go to hospital, you don't have to get on the bed, or have the clock right in front of you!
- you can opt out of anything offered to you at any time you choose
- take a baggy t-shirt for you and your partner so you can enjoy skin-to-skin nestling with your baby, and something that opens easily to breastfeed
- you don't need to buy lots of equipment ~ you will never use half of it ~ keep it simple, and wait to see what you really need
- consider having a babymoon ~ where you, your baby, your partner and / or other children spend a few days together in peace without having the whole neighbourhood and your extended family in to visit ~ you can always email photos or get them enlarged and pin them on the garden gate!
- learn how to relax
- breastmilk contains love ~ even if you have problems over the first few days, stay with it, it is wonderful for mothers!
- avoid listening to negative stories (or 'horror' stories about what can go wrong)
- find women to celebrate birth with
- be proud of your body ~ it's amazing!
- consider real / washable nappies
- surround yourself with people who really support you and avoid anyone who might undermine you
- follow your dreams
- don't let anyone take your dreams away
- go with the flow